Friday, 9 December 2016

Recently I had another dream about being kissed. it was spontaneous passionate and intense.

Monday, 28 November 2016

Like a memory from a dream

Well work has been good. I don't feel like a moron all of the time now.

I watched one of the films on my 'to watch list' yesterday; The French connection. I enjoyed it. Car chases, gun fights, hot headed cops. It was gritty, the protagonist Doyle is like a brutal maverick with a gung-ho attitude. It was very atmospheric but I have to say it did not captivate me the way Casablanca did. I did like Doyle's line "picking your feet in Poughkeepsie". It was like his tagline.


I once expressed a theory that finding a true connection with people would be easier if we were brains in jars. we could only differentiate by our intellectual ability and inclination, our human emotion and thoughts.

Recently there have been a couple of times that a memory that I thought that I had forgotten has come back to me because of something trivial.

It's so weird how our brains can retain information in some kind if organised system. I like to think of my brain as a room full of filing cabinets.

Scientists have been doing research into memories and have developed a concept that memories can be mapped on the brain and retrieved. It's called optogenetics. it cannot currently be used on humans but studies have been done using mice. its very interesting to read about.
Reminds me of Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.

Song for today is homeward bound by Simon and Garfunkel. I love this.
"Home, where my love lies waiting silently for me"
I'm fascinated by his relationship with Kathy.

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Game, changes and fears

There has been nothing but change in my life recently. Normally I handle change like an angry hippo but I'm dealing well....I want to say it's because I'm grown-up and mature but I think the real reason is that a certain book has taught me that "I'll handle it".

That does not mean that everything will go right. And it does not mean that you aren't going to feel totally stupid.

I frequently feel totally stupid... But it does mean that I will face it all head on, smiling and unapologetically being myself.

Do not run away from your life - you can handle it!


Song of today is a foxy lady, Macy Gray - I try. 

Friday, 2 September 2016

Crush crush crush

I love Robert Carlyle. I have done since I was a kid and still when I see him on tv my heart beats faster.
I guess that's how it feels to have a crush though. It's the same as the beginning of a relationship,  everytime you see that person you just feel like you're melting from the inside out.

This is the thing aswell, how do you know if a crush is actually love. I'm not for one minute saying that I am genuinely in love with Robert Carlyle. But I mean I honestly thought that I was in love with the boy I had my first kiss with.

I cant really blame myself though, it was just like a movie. Everything was slow motion, it could have been 10 seconds or 10 minutes. I remember everything around us was hazy and out of focus. In reality the kiss was terrible but it was and still is in my top 5 romantic moments.

          Look how damn hot he's is!  Miaow!

Thursday, 14 July 2016

July she will fly

Sometimes you learn things that really surprise you, things you read about and a little sparkle of excitement jumps inside you.
Today I learned that in Paris back in the 1850s there was such a thing as treetop restaurants and bars. The original 'grand Robinson' was a restaurant built in an old chestnut tree. People who could not get to the seaside would come for a getaway. It was all the rage! The pictures are just amazing.

There are far more amazing details on the website - messynessychic

There is also some really interesting information about the moulin rouge and it's famous (or infamous) elephant.

And now for a song, one I keep coming back to. It sounds like summer rain, you know the kind that is warm and heavy and all at once.
  April come she will-simon and garfunkel.

"I want to know you moved and breathed in the same world with me" - F Scott Fitzgerald

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

I love the tone that's in your laugh...

Thursday was a momentous day for the people of the United Kingdom. It was our biggest opportunity for change in many years, an opportunity we held in our hands. And we voted. All of us...well most of us. Someone once told me that you should always vote, if only to stop the crazy people getting into power. I agree. It's your right as a person but for me and many of you reading this it's also your right as a woman.
Did you know that women only earned the right to vote in 1928 (in England anyway). That's nothing compared to women in Saudi Arabia who were only allowed to vote for the first time in December 2015.

"all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others".

Summer has arrived where I live. There are wild berries growing in my garden and everything is lush and alive. There have been some storms recently which brought with them warm summer rain. I love that. Afterwards it smells fresh and clean but the air is still hot.
Such magic.


When the weather is hot it makes me want to make social food. It makes me wish I had a porch and a rocking chair. I'd make a big jug of fresh lemonade, the traditional cloudy kind and nice coconut cake.

This is a song that I just can't help but love. The video as well! Don Bluth animation. It's like made for me....... Mary by the scissor sisters 

Saturday, 28 May 2016

Eyes across a crowded room...

In my head, my life maps out like a story. Like I'm the main character in 'Callisto's marvellous life' or something. Do you ever feel like that? Like events are already planned? Let's call it 'fate' or more romantically 'destiny'.

So all this talk of destiny brings me to today, when I had one of the most fantastic and numbing experiences of my life thus far.
I went out for the day with a friend and we ended up in this little town and there was a 1940s weekend on. It was all around the train station and there was a steam train, ww2 jeeps and vehicles and even a spitfire!
Everyone was dressed up, fantastic!

So we were looking around this little vintage shop and someone bumped me from behind. He said sorry but I didn't turn around. Then I felt him trip over my foot! I turned around to say sorry and we smiled at each other. He was dressed in a soldier's uniform with hat.

My friend asked me what happened, and I told her. I said that if I wasn't involved with someone already that this would be an amazing meetcute. She turned to me and said 'i was literally about to say that'.

In the words of Adele 'it was just like a movie...'. And to top it off, as we were leaving there was a woman singing 'la vie en rose' the correct way (in French). I mean really! It was a dream I was sorry to wake from.


I loved this so much I'll be working it into my story. 

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Bows and arrows against the lightening

War of the world's the musical - I've been revisiting it and it's amazing. So atmospheric. If you have never heard it I would definitely recommend a listen.

Right now I'm sat watching old TV shows with my cat, I'm remembering the first time that I watched them. Isn't it funny that we use media in this way; as a time capsule. We hear a song or a TV show and remember who we used to be, Who we were with and What they meant to us.
I feel that I could reach through the TV screen 10 years ago and see 15 year old me ; innocent and blissful.

Finally got some time off. I'm going to just enjoy the fact that I'm not in work. I'm going to try and find a better job and generally organise my life.
Also I'm gonna have a day where I just go somewhere. Wherever I feel drawn to go. There is magic in the air recently and I feel that something is about to happen. * I'm sure that's just the impetuous child in me* nonetheless I'm excited.

Roald Dahl wrote "the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it"

Also, I'm going to try to write a book...well probably a short story, I don't know if I could fill a book's worth.
Right now I'm in planning phase though I have written a few pages of various sections. It's going to be a crime/mystery/romance starring 'claude', my favourite heroine.

Song that I can't stop singing at the minute is Adele-when we were young. I think it's by far her best song. She has the ability to capture an emotion, a moment in time. The woman is phenomenal.
That said Adele is a world wide sensation and that song is everywhere right now so if you were looking to hear something a little different try birdhouse in your soul by they might be giants. Great 80s tune .

I'll be posting again soon with details of my adventure.

Monday, 25 April 2016

Unsupervised drinking

The point at which an average looking guy at the next table becomes gorgeous...then you hear him talking about geek stuff and decide that he is a God.

Monday, 18 April 2016

All these things that I've done

No new posts for a while, sorry about that. A pesky thing called life got in the way.

I learned a fantastic new word recently; tinderisation. As in the tinderisation of the real world. There are hundreds of different articles on the Internet on this very subject, all boiling down to one theory. That modern life is changed and that we are becoming a society baffled by choice. These choices are taken at face value and are swiped into a yes box or a no box. Complex choices are made with little or no real information; love, work, social. It takes away all the human complexities. We are in danger of becoming an emotionless society, devoid of real human interaction. Only tweeting people or liking their satus'.
Google it, it's interesting to read about.

In other news I am basically living at my place of work I'm there so often! Eat sleep work repeat. I am so tired, making mistakes left right and centre, possibly in trouble for reasons I cannot speak of, and have just had a terrible few days.
Also I'm still lacking a best friend. I feel like if I had one my life would seem more care-free and fuller. C'est la vie, I think I will feel stressed until I die. I guess it's just me.

Happier tones... I'm on countdown to my next day off. Plan to distribute some more notes. Also will be having some time with my partner and my family and attempting to find my dream job.

I went back a bit for my music choice today, back to my wild youth. I loved the killers. There were at one time my favourite band and I still love them but the obsession is gone. I've chosen All these things that I've done. "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"


Saturday, 19 March 2016

Breathe in the sky


Sorry there are some serious errors in this. I have now fixed the problem with my typewriter.

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

No, I'll never, never breakaway from you...

I have a love of foreign words and phrases. The way language is structured interests me, particularly the things that don't translate. There are words and phrases for states, emotions and feelings which exist in the world because it was important to that culture.
Here are a few that I like...

La Douleur exquise - this is a tragic French phrase which means the heart wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have. Specifically  the pain is of the unrequited party. 

Saudade - this one is Portuguese. It means a longing for someone that you love who is lost.


Another French one, a popular one, la petit mort. It means literally the little death. It is used to mean an orgasm, or more appropriately, the point of spiritual release. It is often linked to blacking out or the notion of a temporary death while your spirit exits your body. 


I heard a song on tv earlier that I haven't heard in ages. It's so upbeat it just makes you want to dance.  The lyrics are unhappy though if you listen. It's called Break-a-way by Irma Thomas. 


I think I will spend the rest of the evening writing.

Premonition


One of the many things that swirl around my brain. I felt impulsive and creative yesterday so I sat at my typewriter and wrote. Hope you enjoy.

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Brief Encounter

" I love you. I love your wide eyes, the way you smile, your shyness, and the way you laugh at my jokes" 
Have you ever seen Brief Encounter?
Today I took myself off for a day trip to the station where some of it was filmed. The refreshments room. 



Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Crazy for you...

I love words. They have the power to unleash such emotions. The meaning of the word plays a part but the structure and phonetics are what transform the mundane into the spectacular. Instead of 'just joking' you were just 'being facetious'.
So I thought I'd stretch the mental bandwidth and learn some new ones. All low frequency.

Here is a selection that I recently learned;

  • Lachrymose  - tearful, weepy
  • Zeitgeist - spirit of the times 
  • Modicum - A small amount 
  • Schadenfreude - pleasure from another's misfortune 
And a word that I already knew (#15year-oldme) but didn't know the definition;

Evanescence - lasting a short time.

And I think I will end with a quote. One of my all time favourites by a great writer, Salman Rushdie. Although he expresses his feelings about literature I think you could use his words to describe other expressive art forms just as accurately.

"The liveliness of literature lies in it's exceptionality, in being the individual, idiosyncratic vision of one human being, in which, to our delight and great surprise, we may find our own vision reflected"

Also a song, because recently I've been feeling a bit grey. It's Madonna, Queen everlasting. This song came to mind after listening to change of heart by the 1975. So here she is with 'crazy for you'.

Monday, 22 February 2016

Cities on fire

I remember being in youthful innocence. 18. My partner in crime driving his old silver Peugeot, the vintage kind with a tape player, cigarette lighter and 80's style grey interior.

The night would call us and we would drive. We would go down the country roads and out into the nothingness. We seemed to be heading towards some goal, some epiphany. Together we were electricity.
I remember we drove out on a dirt Road which ran through a wild Moor. Upon the hill he stopped the car and we got out. The view was breathtaking. A thousand tiny glittering lights. Thousands of lives being lived right there below us. People sleeping, people working, people being born, people falling In love, people dying... And then us. Two people stood quietly on a dark Moor watching the city live and breathe.

Every time I see a city lit up at night I think about that. Before everything, when I had an  innocent spirit. How he used to set my soul on fire!


Friday, 19 February 2016

Please please please let me get what I want

Finally finished my long stretch at work. In my free time I will be going somewhere beautiful.

This morning as I was scraping the frost from the windscreen, I turned on the car engine to use the blowers and this gorgeous tune came floating out of the speakers.The smiths,  please please please let me get what I want.
Haven't heard it in so long. And as I was stood there is the crisp coldness of the morning I started thinking about a girl I used to know. We were beyond best friends, we were soul mates. We spent our wild youth causing mayhem together, and then all of a sudden we had grown and changed. 

We became different people and it still pains me to know we lost a special friendship. But, it makes me happy when a hear a song that reminds me of her, and how happy and free we used to be.